Season 1, Episode 5
“Luke's New "Girlfriend"”
This episode is in Season 1
When Ravi finds out Mackenzie likes Luke, he tells Luke about his secret he's been hiding, and Mackenzie does too. Meanwhile, Zuri battles Emma in a race with bicycles, but Emma has never rode a bike. Bertram quits his job as a butler to see what the outside world is like. But due to all the kids, he comes back.
- Debby Ryan as Jessie Prescott
- Peyton List as Emma Ross
- Cameron Boyce as Luke Ross
- Karan Brar as Ravi Ross
- Skai Jackson as Zuri Ross
- Kevin Chamberlain as Bertram Winkle
- We get to know where Mackenzie lived.
Mackenzie: Get'cha, Get'cha, Get'cha Head in the Game-
Luke: Hey, Mackenzie. What's up?
Luke: Aww, c'mon, what's up?
Mackenzie-I said nothing. Why do you care?
Luke-I was just asking. What was with the Get'cha head in the game thing?
Mackenzie- Seriously, does it matter?
Luke-Why are you so jumpy today?
Mackenzie(sighs)- Bye, Luke.
Luke- What was that all about?
Ravi-I couldn't help but overhear your conversation!
Luke-Ravi, what are you doing here?
Luke-Are you spying on me again?
Ravi-No, I came to talk to Mackenzie.
Luke- Just tell me.
Ravi- It is my business, not yours.
Luke- Why is everyone not telling me things today?!
Ravi- Fine. I will tell you. But you will not tell this to Jessie.
Ravi-Because, she does not like Mackenzie. If she found out I'd be toast!
Luke-Fine. Just hurry up and tell me. I wanna go flirt with-I mean have a civilized conversation with Mackenzie.
Ravi-Wait a second. Do you like Mackenzie?
Luke-No! I just, think we have a quality friendship.
Ravi-You do like her!
Luke- Is it obvious?
Ravi-Come on, if you put big words like civilized and quality, your hiding something.
Luke-Come on, I have a rather large vocabulary.
Ravi- SOME TYPE OF INDIAN REFERENCE, PLZ DONT EDIT
Luke- Fine, I like her a little bit.\
Ravi-No! Mackenzie is my best friend!
Luke-What do you mean? You don't even know her.
Ravi-Yes do, brother. You don't know this, but back in India, we were best friends. Until I moved to New York, that is.
Luke-Wait, wait, wait, you're expecting me to believe that you knew Mackenzie a long time ago?
Ravi-Yes. SOME OTHER INDIAN REFERENCE POSSIBLY
Luke-Well, too bad. Mackenzie's mine.
Ravi-No, she's mine! You don't know her. I do!
Luke- No offense, but I haven't seen you have a girl friend in like, I don't know, forever! No way Mackenzie would be interested in someone like you.
(Ravi makes a pout face, as if about to cry)
Luke-Ravi, I didn't mean it like-
Ravi-I know what you meant! Mackenzie can't be both of ours! We will have a battle to the death! Now, if you excuse me, I have to go put on some floaties and safety goggles.
Luke-He's already handed Mackenzie over to me.
(Betram is worn out after a "long" day of work and walks into the living room)
Bertram-I'm pooped. I had to clean the kitachen table TWICE today!
Bertram- At least now I can rest.
(he flops down on the couch when all of sudden it "rains" honey or maybe some other sticky substance i havent come up with)
(Luke pops out and laughs)
Bertram-Why would you do such an evil thing to me?
Luke-First of all, that's what I do! Nothing new here!
Luke-And second, that was supposed to be a trap for Ravi.
Bertram-Well, it wasn't. You should've known I sleep on this couch way more often than he does!
Luke-Hey, it's not like I'm accused of being the smartest in this house!
Bertram-I'd agree with you, but right now honey is running down my pants.
(Luke laughs again)
Luke-That was totally worth setting the trap for.
(Betram is angry, and he goes into the kitchen to wash up the worst of the honey on his hands and stuff, but then it suddenly rains feathers)
Bertram (spits out feathers)-What the heck?
Ravi-Bertram! You ruined my trap!
Bertram-Let me guess. It was for Luke?
Ravi-Yep. I was going to tell him off. But now I can't since you've ruined everything!
Bertram-Hey! It wasn't my fault I went into the kitchen! And how were feathers gonna tell him off?
Ravi-I was going to tickle him to death!
(Bertram rolls his eyes)
Bertram-You kids need to stop fooling around. I was trying to rest! I had a long day.
Ravi-Long day? This morning I saw you sweating after folding two pairs of socks.
Bertram-Just go away. I'm going to my room.
Ravi-Gladly. It reeks of honey and......muddy feet?
Bertram-Well, honestly Luke's socks still stink after washing them eight thousand times.
(Ravi wipes the air with his hand and leaves quickly)
Bertram-Kids. More like thorns.
(then Zuri rides in with her bike, even though its still in the kitchen)
Bertram-Get that filthy vehicle out of the kitchen! And the bike too!
Zuri-But it's fun!
(suddenly Zuri takes a sharp turn or something and runs into Bertram)
Bertram(as he falls)-Ahh!!!!
Zuri-Oops! (she gets off her bike as Emma comes in)
Emma-Hey, Zuri. Have you seen-(sees Bertram getting up)Ah! Hairy feather monster!
(she dumps a bowl of Bertram's soup on him)
Bertram-Ahh!!!!!!! Hot soup! Hot soup!
(he goes to the fridge and pours some ice on him. Bertram sighs in relief.)
Emma-Oops, sorry, Bertram.
Bertram-Why would you dump my soup all over me?
Emma-I didn't know it was you!
Bertram-Who did you think I was?
Emma-A hairy monster.
Bertram-These are feathers, not hairs.
Emma-I know. Have you looked at a mirror recently? With your hair and weight, you minus well be Bigfoot!
(Bertram breathes heavily because he's mad)
(Zuri and Emma both leave quickly, giggling. Suddenly Jessie walks in and pinches her nose)
Jessie-What is that smell?
Bertram-A combination of all the kids' wicked schemes.
Jessie-Oh, c'mon Bertram. They're only kids.
Bertram-That's it, I'm done with these kids. I'm going in my room to take a shower and nothing's gonna stop me this time!
Jessie-Okay, I know your mad, but you don't stink that bad! I mean, it's pretty normal for you to smell this way.
(Bertram pulls a mad face)
Jessie-Anyway. Hey, let me make it up to you. I know a way that's quicker than a shower.
Bertram(sarcastic)-This should be good.
(Jessie exits then enters again, struggling with a hose)
Jessie-If I only I could get this to turn on!
(suddenly it turns on and sprays all over Bertram. When Jessie finally gets it to turn off, Bertram looks madder than ever.)
Jessie-I am so sorry, Bertram. I didn't know-
Bertram- That's it! I quit!
(He stomps and leaves the kitchen)
Emma-Anyway, I was gonna ask you, have you seen Mackenzie? I wanted to hang out or something.
Zuri-Why don't you just hang out with me? I'm just riding my bike! It'll be fun!
Emma- Ew, helmet hair?
Zuri- Hey, my hair looks fine! And come on, it's not like I sit in my room all day covered in outfits that look the same and make-up from another planet.
Zuri-You need to get out more. We'll only ride them for a little while.
Emma-No. Riding bikes isn't fun They're for little kids.
Zuri-No they're not! They're for intelligent, sophisticated poeple.
Emma-Or people who just wanna get out of paying for a cab.
Zuri-For me, your little sister? (does puppy face)
Emma-I said no.
Zuri-Emma, how come I've never seen you ride a bike?
Emma-Because if you fall, then you're covered in ugly scrapes and bruises.
Zuri-You don't know how to ride a bike, do you?
Emma-Of course I do!
Emma-Okay fine! I don't know how.
Zuri-This is just sad.
Emma-Hey! You can't keep this fabulous look by getting covered in sweat!
Zuri-C'mon, I'll teach you!
Emma-Ugh, fine, since I have nothing else to do. But if I get run run over by a car, I'm taking you down with me!
Zuri- You won't! You can use Luke's bike.
Emma-Oh, great. This lesson keeps getting better and better.
(Zuri pulls out Luke's bike and Emma sits on it)
Zuri-All you have to do is pedal and steer. Like this.
Zuri-Just try it.
(she starts pedaling, but her steering's poor, and she runs into a trash can or something and falls and screams)
Zuri-Oops! Guess I should've told her to wear a helmet.
(Jessie walks out from the kitchen with a basket of cookies into the living room where Emma, Zuri, and Ravi are sitting)
Jessie-Okay, kids, be nice to Bertram. He's had a rough day because of all of you.
Emma-Hey, you did it too! Who wipes someone down with a hose in the kitchen?
Jessie-I thought it would help.
Ravi-Clearly it did not.
Jessie-Anyway, when Bertram comes out of his room-
Zuri-If he comes out of his room. That lazy old bear has been up there for hours.
Jessie-Well, if you got run over a bike, sprayed with feathers, and drenched in your own hot soup, would you come out of your room so easily?
Ravi-Don't forgot sprayed with a hose!
Jessie-Anyway, if he does come out of his room, we'll throw a party for him.
Emma-Won't that just take a lot of work for nothing? We know he'll forgive us sometime soon. He always does.
Jessie-Well, I didn't tell you guys this, but...
Jessie-He said he...(lies)wanted to stay in his room to make a surprise party for you guys!
Ravi-Cool! What kind of party. I want to look shocked, but not too shocked. Maybe a little crying would help the dramatic moment!
Emma-Ravi, calm down. He's not thrownig a surprise party for us. He doesn't do that when he's happy, why would he do that when he's mad?
Zuri-Ya, Jessie. Spit it out!
Jessie-Sorry, I gotta go deliver these snickerdoodles to him. I'll tell you later!
(Jessie is knocking on Bertram's door)
Jessie-What's he doing in there?
Jessie-C'mon, Bertram! You can't hide in there forever!
Jessie-Hey, I have cookies!
Jessie-Huh, that usually gets him running down stairs like a SOME COUNTRY REFERENCE
Jessie-That's it, I'm coming in.
(she kicks down the door)
Jessie-Bertram? Where are you?
(the kids are heard running upstairs)
Ravi-We heard a loud noise!
Jessie-I can't find Betram!
Zuri-What? Now who'll clean the toilets? It's gonna be stinky with Luke!
Ravi-Relax, Zuri. I'm sure Jessie will be more than happy to clean them!
Jessie-Okay, we really need to find Bertram.
Emma-Well where would he go anyway? When he's sad, he's usually in the kitchen.
Jessie-Well, he might have, oh i don't know, ...
Jessie-Okay, after you guys left, Bertram said he quit. Then he stormed off to his room. I didn't think he actually meant it!
Zuri-Jessie! hy didn't you tell us?
Jessie-Because I know how much Bertram meant to you guys.
Ravi-You lied to us then?
Jessie-No, I just kept it a secret to protect your feelings.
Ravi-Some nanny you are!
Emma-Guys, Jessie was right before. We all took a part in driving Bertram away. We need to find him. And I think we know the perfect place to look.
Ravi-Yes. Luke's room!
(Ravi runs up the stairs)
Ravi-I'll be right there, Jessie! I have to get ready!
(Ravi enters his room when a mechanical shoe comes down from above and knocks him on the head)
(Luke comes out and points and laughs) Luke-That was classic. You should've seen your face!
Ravi-That was not funny! It hurt!
Luke-Oh, c'mon. If you had been watching yourself, I know you would've laughed!
Ravi-No I would not!
Luke-Well, I win then!
Ravi-No! I will gwt you, and we'll see thhe one who will be laughing!
(he laughs again. Ravi walks out of room and shouts down the stairs.)
Ravi-Jessie! I have to take a rain check! (to Luke) Due to cloudy with a chance of revenge!
Scene 6 (The three run into a pizza shop)
Jessie-Bertram?! Are you in here?!
(They look around then see him)
Emma(gasps)-There he is!
Zuri-But how are we gonna get out of this crazy line?
(They all wave crazily to get him to notice them but they don't get his attention)
Waiter-I'm sorry, but in order for me to take your order, you have to give us money.
Jessie-No, no, no, no, it's not that. Can you please bring that big, evil-looking man over to us?
Waiter-And once again, you have not paid. The only thing I can do for you is tempt you with our delicious food. Jessie-Please? This is really important!
(Waiter holds out his hand)
Zuri-This place sure is expensive.
Emma-I would call it desperate for money.
Zuri-Yeah, but the next time I want a new doll, I'm getting a job at this place.
(Jessie pulls out $5)
(Jessie shocked expression, $5 more)
Waiter-And what about the tip?
Jessie-Okay, you are lucky that I gave you 15 bucks, now give us the butler.
Waiter-Alright, fine. But you'd better keep one eye open at night.
(He walks over to Bertram taps him and whatnot)
Bertram-What are you guys doing here?
Emma-We came to save you from the harsh life of expensive restaurants.
Bertram-Well I don't wanna be saved. I'm perfectly fine here, with fancy, mature people.
Zuri-Oh, please. We all know you came just for the All-you-can-eat buffet!
Jessie-The point is, we need you back, Bertram.
Bertram-Why? So I can clean up the bathroom after Luke over and over again?
Zuri-I told you.
Jessie-You're a part of all the kids, Bertram. They like you because they can rely on you and you care for them.
Bertram-Not anymore. I take care of myself, and myself only. I don't need you people anymore. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a buffet to attend to.
(he leaves to another corner of the restaurant)
Scene 7 (Ravi is in the kitchen and Luke suddenly walks in, and Ravi is waiting for him)
Ravi-No worries. I just made you some hot oatmeal, just how you like it.
Luke-Oh, thanks! Wait.... You're trying to poison me, aren't you? I'm going with the oatmeal Bertram made for me.
(Luke eats from another plate that's also sitting on the table, but hates it and spits it out)
Luke-Ew, what was that?
Ravi-Just a little recipe from India called SWEET REVENGE!
Luke-Well, it's definitely not sweet.
Ravi-Yes it is! I win! Mackenzie is mine! You may bow down now!
Luke-No! You know what? I don't think this is fair.
Ravi-Oh, so now that you're the one being pranked, you think it is "unfair".
Luke-No, I mean how do these pranks decide which one of us gets Mackenzie? I mean, shouldn't we just talk to her directly?
Ravi-Hmm, maybe we should have thought of this before we drenched Bertram in honey and feathers...
Luke-No, I still say that was worth it.
(They burst out laughing)
(Mackenzie walks up to Luke)
Luke-Oh, hi, Mackenzie.
Mackenzie, So, I hear your butler moved out.
Luke-Huh? Oh, ya.
Luke-So, uh, you and Ravi seem pretty close.
Mackenzie-What's that supposed to mean?
Luke-Nothing, I was just saying...
Mackenzie-I really don't get you, Luke.
Luke-Well, ya, but, I was wondering...
Mackenzie-You were wondering.....
Mackenzie-I'm not getting any younger here, Luke.
Luke-Well, I was wondering if u maybe wanna see a movie this Saturday?
Mackenzie-Oh. Uh, I can't, sorry.
(she leaves and camera follows her; suddenly Ravi pops out of nowhere or somethin)
Mackenzie-Is this supposed to be some kind of joke?
Ravi-What do you mean?
Mackenzie-I mean, Luke just mentioned you and now you suddenly appeared.
Ravi-Oh, about that. I see your getting very friendly with Luke.
Ravi-Well, me and Luke-
Mackenzie-I don't wanna hear it. I'm kinda busy here.
Ravi-Oh, I see. Thank you anyway.
(Mckenzie smiles, then leaves)
Ravi-Well that went well!
Bertram-(sighs happily) This day couldn't get any better. The sun is shining, the kids aren't here to bother me, and best of all, I got to enjoy my food at that expensive, yet fancy, restaurant.
(someone bumps into him)
Guy-Watch where you're going, hippie!
(another guy bumps into him)
Guy #2-Hey, hippo! I'm walkin' here!
Bertram-Yeesh! I knew the streets of New York were cruel, but was "hippo" really necessary?
(people keep bumping into him)
(he sees a girl that looks like Zuri)
Bertram-What are you doing here, Zuri? You shouldn't be wandering around in this crowd-
Mother of "Zuri"-Get away from my child, strange hippo of a man!
(Mother starts wacking Bertram with her purse)
(he runs away a little further and is out of breath)
Bertram-What a work out!
(he sees a blonde girl on her phone turned slightly away from him, so he can't see her face)
Bertram-(taps her shoulder) Hey, Emma, can you fetch me a glass of-
("Emma" turns around and turns out to be a boy)
Boy-Uh, my name's not Emma. It's Jason, bro.
Bertram- Oh, sorry, I thought you were a girl.
Boy-Hey, look who's talking, hippo! (he walks away)
(he sees a boy who looks like Ravi)
Bertram-Okay, I'm not falling for that. I know that's not Ravi.
("Ravi" comes up to him)
"Ravi" (sounds and looks exactly like Ravi)-Excuse me, sir?
Bertram-(bad mood) What?
"Ravi"-Can I please borrow some money? I have a lizard at home and I need food for him.
Bertram-Lizard? Ravi, is that you?
"Ravi"(different voice and different face then Ravi)-What are you talking about? I just asked you if I could borrow money to help my school. What's this about a lizard? And, Avi?
Bertram-It's Ravi, and it's perfectly normal for him to have a lizard.
"Ravi"-Wow, I was decided that it wouldn't be fair to call you a hippo because of your weight, but now, you even have a hippo's brain. (he walks away)
Bertram(yells after him)-Well, hippos are actually classified as really smart!
(random guy leans over and says)-No they're not.
Bertram- I know.
(Bertram starts walking away when suddenly he gets knocked over by a skateboard guy)
Bertram-Hey! You shouldn't be riding on the streets of New York!
Skateboard Dude(looks like Luke)-You can't tell me what to do, hippo!
(he gets up and runs into the closest building, which turns out to be a library, where a girl that looks and sounds like Jessie is reading to some children)
"Jessie"-And Shelly the Selfish Seafish traveled through all the terrible streets of New York, and was sad and terrified. Lost and out of money, the only thing she could do was go home. But she was worried. Would her family take her back in? After all, she had been really selfish. But when Shelly went home, her family had a big party because they were happy that she was back. And they all had a big feast that lasted until they were all tired. So they went to bed happily ever after.
(Bertram is crying a little)
Bertram- I want a big feast!
(Bertram walks through the elevator in the Ross house where Jessie, Emma, and Zuri are)
Bertram(gasps as he sees the party they prepared for him)-What is all this?
Emma-Well, we didn't think you'd come back, but we planned these decorations just in case.
Zuri-Yeah, and even Millie the Mermaid joined in! By the way, I wouldn't eat the fish sticks around her if I were you.
Bertram-You gave me a feast?
Jessie-Of course! You're favorite thing!
Bertram-I really am Shelly the Selfish Seafish!
Bertram(to everyone)-I realized that my home was with you guys.You may get on my nerves sometimes, but at least you don't call me hippo.
Jessie-Again, what are you talking about?
Bertram-The point is, thank you guys, for everything.
(They all group hug)
Zuri-Come on, Millie! Get in the group hug!
Bertram-Okay, me and Millie aren't that close.
(Ravi is in his room and Luke walks into the room)
Luke(sighs)-Well, I guess you have Mackenzie. She isn't into me.
Ravi-No, you have her. She barely even talked to me. She said she was busy and left.
Luke-Oh, well she said she didn't wanna go to the movies with me.
Ravi-So I guess she isn't the girl for either of us.
Luke-Yeah. Hey, what's that saying about girls?
Ravi-Sisters before misters?
Luke-Yeah, but what's the man version of that?
Luke-Oh, I got it. How about brothers before mothers?
Ravi-I think I can now see why Mackenzie didn't fall for you.
Luke-Well, I don't see you with a better idea.
Ravi-How about this: brothers before lovers?
Luke-Better. From now on, no girl can come between us.
(suddenly Mackenzie walks in)
Mackenzie-Oh, there you guys are.
Luke-I'm sorry, Mackenzie, but me and Ravi kinda just made a pact to never let girls come between us.
Mackenzie-Um, ok.... Well, I was going to say that, if we're going to the movies together, then you should know something about me. A long time ago, me and Ravi both lived in-
Luke-India, and you guys became friends until Ravi moved to New York, yeah I got that. Ravi told me already. But back up, you said we were going to the movies?
Mackenzie-Um, yeah? Remember? Like, one hour ago?
Luke-But you said you couldn't go on Staurday.
Mackenzie-Yeah, this Saturday. I'm going to my aunt's wedding. But I said that I'm free next Saturday.
Mackenzie-Yeah, weren't you listening?
Luke-Yeah, probably not.
Ravi-Wait, wait, wait. So you go to the movies with him, but you say your too busy for me?
Mackenzie-I said, I'm too busy with homework too be talking to you. But now I'm done with it, so that's why I can talk to you now.
Ravi-Oh. Well, okay!
Luke-Well, now that we've got that cleared up, how about some candy?
(he pulls out some kind of candy to everyone. Ravi eats it and spits it out.)
Ravi-What kind of candy is this?
Luke-(mock apology)Oops, did I accidently put my gym socks in there?
Ravi-Ah! (he runs out the door)
(Luke and Mackenzie are laughing)
Luke-That was hilarious!
Mackenzie-Yeah! But if you ever do that to me, your gym sock won't be the only one that looks ugly and misshapen.
The End! Finally! a miracle